Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
