Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
