She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
