in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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