I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
