some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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