the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
