I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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