I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There are leaves in my underwear?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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