Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
