There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
