The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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