I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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