Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize