i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
