The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
