This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
