I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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