NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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