It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
