porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
