He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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