Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
