I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My ass is underappreciated
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
