he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
