well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
