The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How's work?
Spinning.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
