Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
