lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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