I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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