oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize