dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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