did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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