please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
