There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
