Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
