my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
