K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
