Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
