The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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