at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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