i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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