my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
