i just google imaged poop.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
