my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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