I think i peed on brittanys purse
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
