she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
