first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize