: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
