i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
