Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
