Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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