he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize