I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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