the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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