Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
