So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
