yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize