guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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