I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
