we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
