ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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