I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize