Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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