Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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