She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
