Got a toothbrush?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
