we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
